The 2005 Academy Award for Best Actor will go to...

You know who's going to win the Oscar for Best Actor? I'll tell you:

Clint Eastwood.

You wanna know why? I'll tell you:

Snot.

When Eastwood cries in $1M BABY, there aren't any tears, but torrents of semicongealed snot pour out of his nose. It's embarrassing and kind of gross ... and the Academy LOVES "embarrassing and kind of gross," especially when it's from a toughguy like Eastwood.

My proof, you ask? I'll tell you:

Russell Crowe.

Gladiator.

Few tears.

Lots of snot.

Embarrassing.

Kind of gross.

Academy Award, for an otherwise mediocre perf.

You heard it here first.